annoying wacky sidekicks who only exist to elevate the hero are OUT. two equally moronic goofs who both think of each other as the sidekick and themselves as the voice of reason when in fact they’re a double helping of dumbass are IN.
ghosts are so funny. they’re people who were just like “actually, fuck dying” and decided to cause problems on purpose for the rest of everyone else’s lives. goals tbh.
Today at work a girl at my register was heatedly explaining to her mother that wearing a dinosaur costume to her school’s decades day was, in fact, perfectly acceptable because her teachers did not specify any particular decades.
I think the world needs more fantasy novels with completely made up animals. No more “horses.” No more “rabbits.” Deer can stay but ONLY if they’re weird. All wolves must have wings, NO exceptions. No more laziness, its time to Make Shit Up. I expect your heroes to be riding scaly civets with antlers by midnight. I demand a survey of wildlife in the nearby forest that leaves me with no idea what a single word you said meant. I want CREATURES WITH FUNKY NAMES THAT YOU MADE UP OUT OF YOUR OWN HEAD. I want to be UNABLE TO PRONOUNCE THEM. I want all of your RODENTS to be POISONOUS for NO REASON. I deeply desire GIANT BIRDS. I hereby sentence you to five hours on Wikipedia reading about the Carboniferous period and hydrothermal vents.
If you can’t be creative, at least reskin some dinosaurs. It’s time to decide what kind of man you are—the kind that would let his evil overlord ride a tyrannosaurus, or a coward.
Just lifting animals wholesale out of the past is a perfectly reasonable variant. Maybe your fantasy world has an oxygen content of 33% and everybody’s a part-time volunteer firefighter but you also have butterflies the size of sailboats and your knights ride war centipedes.
